The funny thing about having twins…and only having twins, is that you learn everything like every normal mom does, but once your child has passed that particular stage, you have no need for that information anymore.
Basically, it never gets easier.
For example, with the first child you might struggle with “baby wearing” where you figure out how best you want to carry your baby around. Are you a Baby Bjorn person or perhaps an Ergo mom? It may take you awhile to figure this out with the first kid, but by the time the second baby arrives, you know EXACTLY what you want and there is no learning curve.
With twins, once you figure it out, you twins will almost certainly be too old to carry around in a front pack. Then you stop carrying them and perhaps even get rid of the carrier. It’s a frustrating revelation to discover this. Then you are on to the next stage which is again, entirely new to you.
It never gets easier.
We decided long ago, perhaps even during my pregnancy that this was going to be it for us. My pregnancy was so awful, even from the very beginning, that I questioned whether or not I could do this again. So it was actually sort of a relief to discover I was having twins. I realized I may not need to be pregnant ever again. After the first year with the twins we decided we were more than content with a family of four.
My point is this…I have knowledge, and no use for it. Maybe you out there can benefit from my trials and tribulations.
There are a couple of things that have been on my mind that I wanted to talk about.
PUTTING MARRIAGE FIRST
I’ve seen this topic become pretty controversial but I have a very simple take on it. I see my marriage as the foundation of our family unit. My parents’ marriage fell apart when I was a teenager and it destroyed me. I feel like if my parents (equally together) put their marriage first, things might have turned out differently for me. My kids get everything they need and then some. So its not like I’m neglecting them AT ALL. I just make sure that I have plenty of time with my husband to enjoy being married. We found a babysitter that the kids love and have a date night every other Friday. It is fantastic and I highly recommend it.
We’ve taken two weekend trips thus far without the kids and I hope to do another in the next 6 months. Not only is it great for our relationship but its great for my relationship with the kids. I come back refreshed and enjoy being around them SO much more.
I’m not saying I have a perfect marriage, far from it. Nor am I the perfect mom. But every relationship needs work, needs attention. Setting aside a few hours every month is the least I can do for my marriage. If we can’t do that, what is the point in taking vows in the first place?
Oh how I wish we had a baby nurse and/or doula after the twins were born. Not entirely sure what the difference is but I wish we had help in the beginning. Whether you have one kid or two, having a kid is HARD WORK. Why punish yourself and try to do it alone. Hundreds and thousands of years ago women never had to do this alone. Now we are expected to take our baby home on day 2 and simply figure it out. Stressful to say the least. If you can, GET HELP. It’s worth it and you will never regret it.
Another controversial topic. Here’s what I say. Breastfeed if you can and if it works for you. If it’s not your cup of tea, your kid will turn out just fine on formula. My kids did. I hate all the statistics and theories that formula will somehow make your child sick, or fat, or stupid. Also, please put yourself first. I wasn’t able to breastfeed mostly because I ended up in a free fall with post partum depression and thought awful things about my babies. I didn’t want to be around them. I was no good to them in that state. Almost immediately upon stopping breastfeeding, my mood improved. Formula allowed me to love my children and isn’t that the most important thing anyway?
Sometimes I want to have another kid simply because it would be so much easier now that I have figured all this stuff out. Then I realize I have incredibly high odds of having twins again and that scares me straight.