Watching my girl at gymnastics the other day, the thought hit me that she will probably be a lot like me.
She has energy like no one I’ve ever met. And I have a 3 year old boy so I know what a lot of energy looks like. She has more. I think I probably did too at that age. Girls don’t have ADD, or so popular culture thinks. But I do. And she might. And thats okay. My road was a treacherous one. I felt stupid, shamed, alone. I never want her to feel like that.
Okay, probably getting off topic here. My point is this, she’s a mover, a shaker. And in my adult life I have discovered that I think A WHOLE LOT more clearly when I’m active. When I discovered running I felt a sense of clarity in my mind that I’m not sure I’ve ever experienced before.
So I want to tell my future self this, let her run. Make her run. Quiz her on test subjects while she is running. Get outside. Go for a bike ride. Do whatever it takes. But I promise you she will do better if she is moving. Make her run around the block then come and sit down for homework.
I’m writing this so I don’t forget what it was like to be that age and struggle so much just to remember a single line from a textbook.
I have every reason in the book not to go to the gym in the morning.
Yesterday morning getting the kids into the car was a hassle but getting them from the car to the front door of the gym was even more of a hassle. One kid needed to be held and the other refused to stand or hold my hand. I had their diaper bag and my gym bag. Half way one melted down and as I knelt down to deal with them I thought, screw it. I wanted to head back to the car and go home but I knew going home would result in me dealing with their boredom and fighting for another two hours.
So into the gym we went. I was shocked (and grateful) when they both walked excitedly into the play center and never looked back.
I changed into my running shoes and headed out for a run. I am not a fast runner and after about 30 seconds I could have stopped. I’m not cut out for this I tell myself, I’m not good enough.
The trip home is not any better. Meltdowns, screams, getting sidetracked are all part of the game. I tell myself, no one would blame me if I quit right here and now.
But I do it anyway.
I’m in a running rut. Anyone out there have some inspiration for me?! 😀
Wow its taken me a long time to get to W6D2. I’ve already completed my 5k and I’m not even at week 7. The super nice thing about today was I didn’t have to quit, I completed both 10 minute running intervals!
There is the option to either run for time or for distance. I tried running for distance before and it just didn’t happen. So I gave myself a break this time and ran for time. So two 10 minute running intervals with one 3 minute walk in between. It was so nice to be running again.
I kinda got in the zone for the second interval and started thinking about a lot of different things. Took my mind off of how far I needed to go and just concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other. I love how running seems to grease the gears of my brain if that makes sense. My thoughts are so much clearer when I run.
Going to try and get the kids up and out early tomorrow so I can get a run in before our play date at 10am.
I had another thought today when I was getting the kids back in the car after my run. It takes an awful lot of work to just “go for a run”. Its not simply getting dressed and heading out the door. I must be really motivated to do this because if I had an doubts what so ever, I think giving in would be easy.
Several people in my immediate and extended families are runners. Like 10+ miles everyday runners. So I imagine to them, running a measly 5k doesn’t seem like anything to sweat about. For me however, it was an enormous goal.
It likely started when I was a kid and had childhood asthma. Either I actually couldn’t run very long, or didn’t want to, or was perhaps just too lazy but I never really experienced running. I’m not sure I ever even tried. There was always an excuse. Suddenly, twenty years has passed and you don’t even know how long it takes you to run a single mile and you certainly haven’t entered a race of any kind.
If you have ever put off anything for a number of years you may realize that the fear can become overwhelming. Even paralyzing. In the last few years I have been surrounded by inspiring friends who are runners. Some were just born that way and others weren’t. But they all got out there each and every day and put one foot in front of the other. It was very motivating.
There was also my pregnancy. Months and months of lying in bed, throwing up every few hours, not being able to stand longer then 30 seconds will give you a perspective on leading a healthy life unlike you have ever seen before.
When I was standing in line on Saturday morning. Surrounded by my friends who all fell in the 10 min/mile category made me realize exactly what I was fearing. I was fearing complete and utter humiliation. Would I fall flat on my face in the first 10 yards? Would I be the absolute last one through the finish line or worse, get there after everyone had gone home? Would my knee give out and I wouldn’t even be able to finish? I had NO idea what was going to happen because I always run absolutely alone. My best time was a 14+ min/mile. Not a time to brag about, not at all. And due to recent illness, I hadn’t yet completed more than 2.5 miles at one time.
I also realized while standing there that I have amazing friends. Amazing friends who kept saying they believed in me and that I could do this and I would do better then I thought I would. They were right, I did. My fears were never realized and I finished the race in a time MUCH better then I ever could have hoped for.
I needed to run this 5k to prove to myself that I am a runner. I am an athlete. I can do something if I set my mind to it. I am not a failure.