potty training sucks.

Potty training twins. It’s not for the faint of heart. There were will be tears and occasionally the kids will cry too. Whatever preconceived notion you have of how it will go? Throw it out the door right now. I’m serious. Like open your front door and throw imaginary ideas out of it and slam it shut. They have no place in the potty training business. Your child (or children as the case may be) is going to go thru the process as best they know how. They aren’t reading any step-by-step manuals. They are simply doing what feels right and comfortable to them.

That said…this process is going to suck. A lot. When I finally got pregnant most of my friends already had an infant or toddler so when we finally reached the potty training, there was so much advice. These moms sounded so matter of fact about it all. Like, you do this, then this and then that and all will be well.

Well, all WASN’T and ISN’T well. I’m not writing this to give anyone advice. I seriously don’t have any. Just want to let you know that if you are miserable and hating life and gagging everytime you have to clean up another poopy underwear, well…you are not alone.

I don’t know how fair it is to my children to be specific so I’m not going to specify what child is doing what. Child A is potty trained. It wasn’t an easy start or middle. But at least it had an end. They are doing great. No accidents. Well, there was one but it was a fluke and I think they were testing me because their sibling was already having so many. They are acting their age. They are potty trained. Halle-freakin-lujah.

Child B is defying all logic. All normal assumptions about the potty training process. I want to pull my hair out each and every day. Seriously the only thing that’s keeping me from totally losing it is the thought that all kids are potty trained before high school. Because seriously, it may take us that long. It already feels that long. If there is an issue to be addressed with potty training, we are dealing with it. And I hate it. I don’t hate my child, lets be clear about this. What I hate is that they are going thru something seemingly traumatic and I have no idea how to help them. I’m reading books, articles, reaching out to friends for advice and nothing, nada. We are making no progress. In fact, our lack of progress has actually caused us to regress. Which totally and completely sucks. Seriously though, there IS a limit to how many poopy pairs of underwear I can clean up in a day. That limit was reached…many times.

I’m writing this in hopes that I will have some progress, some happy news to report back SOON. Like this summer soon, not this year soon, but if we can have happy news to report in the year 2015 I’ll call that a win.

TTFN.

Every Excuse

I have every reason in the book not to go to the gym in the morning.

Yesterday morning getting the kids into the car was a hassle but getting them from the car to the front door of the gym was even more of a hassle. One kid needed to be held and the other refused to stand or hold my hand. I had their diaper bag and my gym bag. Half way one melted down and as I knelt down to deal with them I thought, screw it. I wanted to head back to the car and go home but I knew going home would result in me dealing with their boredom and fighting for another two hours.

So into the gym we went. I was shocked (and grateful) when they both walked excitedly into the play center and never looked back.

I changed into my running shoes and headed out for a run. I am not a fast runner and after about 30 seconds I could have stopped. I’m not cut out for this I tell myself, I’m not good enough.

The trip home is not any better. Meltdowns, screams, getting sidetracked are all part of the game. I tell myself, no one would blame me if I quit right here and now.

But I do it anyway.

Parenting Ramble

The funny thing about having twins…and only having twins, is that you learn everything like every normal mom does, but once your child has passed that particular stage, you have no need for that information anymore.

Basically, it never gets easier.

For example, with the first child you might struggle with “baby wearing” where you figure out how best you want to carry your baby around. Are you a Baby Bjorn person or perhaps an Ergo mom? It may take you awhile to figure this out with the first kid, but by the time the second baby arrives, you know EXACTLY what you want and there is no learning curve.

With twins, once you figure it out, you twins will almost certainly be too old to carry around in a front pack. Then you stop carrying them and perhaps even get rid of the carrier. It’s a frustrating revelation to discover this.  Then you are on to the next stage which is again, entirely new to you.

It never gets easier.

We decided long ago, perhaps even during my pregnancy that this was going to be it for us. My pregnancy was so awful, even from the very beginning, that I questioned whether or not I could do this again. So it was actually sort of a relief to discover I was having twins. I realized I may not need to be pregnant ever again. After the first year with the twins we decided we were more than content with a family of four.

My point is this…I have knowledge, and no use for it. Maybe you out there can benefit from my trials and tribulations.

There are a couple of things that have been on my mind that I wanted to talk about.

PUTTING MARRIAGE FIRST

I’ve seen this topic become pretty controversial but I have a very simple take on it. I see my marriage as the foundation of our family unit. My parents’ marriage fell apart when I was a teenager and it destroyed me. I feel like if my parents (equally together) put their marriage first, things might have turned out differently for me.  My kids get everything they need and then some. So its not like I’m neglecting them AT ALL. I just make sure that I have plenty of time with my husband to enjoy being married. We found a babysitter that the kids love and have a date night every other Friday. It is fantastic and I highly recommend it.

We’ve taken two weekend trips thus far without the kids and I hope to do another in the next 6 months. Not only is it great for our relationship but its great for my relationship with the kids. I come back refreshed and enjoy being around them SO much more.

I’m not saying I have a perfect marriage, far from it. Nor am I the perfect mom. But every relationship needs work, needs attention. Setting aside a few hours every month is the least I can do for my marriage. If we can’t do that, what is the point in taking vows in the first place?

BABY NURSE/DOULA

Oh how I wish we had a baby nurse and/or doula after the twins were born. Not entirely sure what the difference is but I wish we had help in the beginning. Whether you have one kid or two, having a kid is HARD WORK. Why punish yourself and try to do it alone. Hundreds and thousands of years ago women never had to do this alone. Now we are expected to take our baby home on day 2 and simply figure it out. Stressful to say the least. If you can, GET HELP.  It’s worth it and you will never regret it.

BREAST MILK/FORMULA

Another controversial topic. Here’s what I say. Breastfeed if you can and if it works for you. If it’s not your cup of tea, your kid will turn out just fine on formula. My kids did. I hate all the statistics and theories that formula will somehow make your child sick, or fat, or stupid. Also, please put yourself first. I wasn’t able to breastfeed mostly because I ended up in a free fall with post partum depression and thought awful things about my babies. I didn’t want to be around them. I was no good to them in that state. Almost immediately upon stopping breastfeeding, my mood improved. Formula allowed me to love my children and isn’t that the most important thing anyway?

Sometimes I want to have another kid simply because it would be so much easier now that I have figured all this stuff out. Then I realize I have incredibly high odds of having twins again and that scares me straight.

W6D1…and other things!

I’M BACK!!! Haha

Nothing like a sore throat/cold to take you DOWN! I’ve spent the last 2-3 weeks sleeping and generally being sick whilst taking care of two youngsters that would much prefer to be out of the house than stuck at home with a sick mama.

I’ve felt better since Thursday or Friday but didn’t want to rush into working out and get sick all over again. (It’s happened before!) Turns out I don’t do sickness well. My kids watched significantly more Curious George then I am comfortable with but whatcha gonna do? So now I feel almost 100% and am actually excited to get back to running. Okay, I’m also excited about the 1-2 hours of kid-free time each morning. I’ll admit it.

I didn’t post about it because I was already feeling super lousy but I did make it to Boot Camp on September 11th. I remember it was 9/11 because when our group got out to the amphitheater to workout there was a gentleman on the balcony of a building nearby playing Taps. Incredibly moving. I think he played it at the times each plane hit a tower. When he played the second time all of us stopped and just listened. A moment I won’t soon forget. It made it surreal because at 9am this area is deserted. Only some store employees arriving for work and our group were there to hear it. Saddened me that there weren’t more people there to hear it.

In between the time I last ran and now, the temperatures here have cooled significantly. Instead of being almost hot at 9am its actually pretty chilly. I didn’t know if I would need a jacket even! It was a grey morning. Felt like it might start raining. There was a strong breeze. It was so pleasant to run with the breeze, kept me from sweating heavily and actually feeling refreshed.

About 3/4 way into the workout a friend of mine joined me around the “track” and I discovered talking while running is not something I am good at. I’m a big talker and my friend did significantly more talking then me, simply because I couldn’t barely breath while talking!

My 5k run is this Saturday and I’m not done with the program. But I do plan to finish the program, and perhaps run another 5k after that. I’m just so glad to not be sick anymore and have some energy back!