Potty training twins. It’s not for the faint of heart. There were will be tears and occasionally the kids will cry too. Whatever preconceived notion you have of how it will go? Throw it out the door right now. I’m serious. Like open your front door and throw imaginary ideas out of it and slam it shut. They have no place in the potty training business. Your child (or children as the case may be) is going to go thru the process as best they know how. They aren’t reading any step-by-step manuals. They are simply doing what feels right and comfortable to them.
That said…this process is going to suck. A lot. When I finally got pregnant most of my friends already had an infant or toddler so when we finally reached the potty training, there was so much advice. These moms sounded so matter of fact about it all. Like, you do this, then this and then that and all will be well.
Well, all WASN’T and ISN’T well. I’m not writing this to give anyone advice. I seriously don’t have any. Just want to let you know that if you are miserable and hating life and gagging everytime you have to clean up another poopy underwear, well…you are not alone.
I don’t know how fair it is to my children to be specific so I’m not going to specify what child is doing what. Child A is potty trained. It wasn’t an easy start or middle. But at least it had an end. They are doing great. No accidents. Well, there was one but it was a fluke and I think they were testing me because their sibling was already having so many. They are acting their age. They are potty trained. Halle-freakin-lujah.
Child B is defying all logic. All normal assumptions about the potty training process. I want to pull my hair out each and every day. Seriously the only thing that’s keeping me from totally losing it is the thought that all kids are potty trained before high school. Because seriously, it may take us that long. It already feels that long. If there is an issue to be addressed with potty training, we are dealing with it. And I hate it. I don’t hate my child, lets be clear about this. What I hate is that they are going thru something seemingly traumatic and I have no idea how to help them. I’m reading books, articles, reaching out to friends for advice and nothing, nada. We are making no progress. In fact, our lack of progress has actually caused us to regress. Which totally and completely sucks. Seriously though, there IS a limit to how many poopy pairs of underwear I can clean up in a day. That limit was reached…many times.
I’m writing this in hopes that I will have some progress, some happy news to report back SOON. Like this summer soon, not this year soon, but if we can have happy news to report in the year 2015 I’ll call that a win.
I am in a facebook group dedicated to followers of the Flylady. A woman posted this morning about one of her rooms, looked like a garage maybe. She said she felt way too overwhelmed to start. I know exactly how she felt. You take one look into that room and know you don’t have enough energy to make a dent in that large pile so you just walk away.
I had the same situation with our home office a year ago. I couldn’t deal with it. One day I made a pact with myself. I would walk away from the mess without feeling any guilt but I had to deal with 5 items in the room. Everyday. So everyday I would walk into the room and somedays I did actually feel like working on it but most days I didn’t. So most days I walked in picked up 5 items, put them in their rightful place (trash, donate bin or just put back in its correct spot) then walked away. I never felt overwhelmed because it was just 5 things and I was able to walk away feeling successful. It made me feel good and not like a failure like I so often did.
It allowed me to come back the next day, still feeling successful, and do the same thing. Before I knew it a week had passed and I had picked up 35 things and believe it or not I actually saw a dent! Then a month passed and two months and the room actually had a floor again!
Everyone has a number that works for them. FlyLady suggests 27 things. Thats crazy overwhelming for me. Some people set a timer and do 15 minutes, or 5 minutes. The point is pick a number that works for you. Of course the higher the number, the quicker you will see progress but don’t pick too high a number that you never want to do it. Pick a number that seems TOTALLY doable for you. Ideally that number is higher than 1 but if 1 is all you can handle, then that is certainly better than zero. So start with 1 and go for it. Maybe on some days instead of picking up 1 item, you go for 1 minute! One is better than none!
I’m 33 and am only now finally getting a handle on how to keep myself organized. Am I perfect at it? Not even close. In fact the other day I bounced a check and paid a $35 returned check fee. Yikes. But I’m getting better and better and each time I make an error like that I have the space in my life to fix it so that I don’t allow that to happen again. In fact, I’d like to talk about this “space” concept in more depth.
Feeling inadequate in any area of your life can lead you to buy things to fill that void. Boy oh boy did I do that. For years I pressured my husband to buy a bigger house because surely, not having enough storage space in our 1300sqft home was our biggest problem. Not the fact that we were storing all kinds of stuff we didn’t need.
I wish I had a better sense of the timeline of my decluttering process but if I had to guess I’d say I started about a year ago. Once my twins were 3, and in preschool two days a week, I had some more time to reflect on my home and really got cracking on making it into a livable home for my family.
If my experience can help anybody struggling with ADHD in keeping their home clean or their life more streamlined then sharing my story will be worth it. For so long I have held the ADHD badge in shame. No longer.
(our trip was cut short due to a sick child and it certainly was nice coming home to a clean house!)
We are going away this weekend. I love traveling. We haven’t been able to do it as much lately so its such a treat to get out of town and change up the routine every once in a while. Prior to most trips I’m usually in a fog, depressed or just stuck in whatever muck my brain is swimming in. We usually leave with the house a complete nightmare.
As I have been going thru my routines this past few days, our house is actually floating somewhere right below clean. If I dusted and fully cleaned the bathrooms and kitchen it would almost be completely clean. Wow.
It’s not just the routines that have gotten me to this point. A major part of it is all the decluttering I’ve been doing. When you have less stuff there is simply less of a mess to clean.
Back to my point. The best part of traveling….is coming home. Not only that but coming home to a CLEAN home. Coming home to a complete disaster isn’t nearly as fun. It occurred to me today that we leave in less than 48 hours. There is only so much my kids can tear apart in 48 hours. If I don’t bring down the toys with the small pieces, clean up will be even easier. Of course we have a tiny home. I did a 15 minute hot spot pickup this evening. I was able to pick up all the toys in the living room and dining room and get them back into the playroom. Are they put away? No. They are scattered about all over the playroom floor. But I let that go a long time ago. As long as I am not constantly tripping over their toys, I do not care how the playroom looks.
I’m very optimistic about this homecoming being a delightful one!
I feel like I have to rebuild myself all the time. One moment my house is fine and I blink and my house becomes a total disaster and I have absolutely no idea how I got there.
I’ve been researching and looking up “experts” on decluttering for probably a few years now. I started with FlyLady and I still really love her methodology but I just didn’t stick with it. I don’t ever stick with anything really. What I did love about FlyLady (found at FlyLady.net) was the idea of starting with your kitchen sink and keeping that clean. It’s something I’ve always been drawn to in regards of where to start the clean up process when my house is a disaster but it really made me happy to hear someone validate that starting point as the best possible place to get back your cleaning mojo.
This is our new kitchen sink, I think it was installed last spring, so maybe a little over a year ago now. Even before having this, having a clean, or shiny kitchen sink as FlyLady would put it, is very motivating. Having THIS particular kitchen sink clean is even more thrilling. I dreamt about this sink for a long time. A seamless sink. My soul breathes a sigh of relief every time I see it. No grout. No sink edges. Isn’t she beautiful?! It’s huge too. Makes cleaning large pots and pans so incredible easy.
About a month ago I found A Slob Comes Clean. I’ve seen that name floating around the blogosphere for awhile now but I discovered her Podcast finally and that is a medium that is perfect for her blog. Her words are so motivational to clean while you listen which is totally possible. I just turn it on, put my phone in my back pocket and get to cleaning. Sometimes I put in headphones if the kids aren’t around or are asleep. She doesn’t say she has ADHD but she must. She basically puts into words everything I have felt about house cleaning over the last 10 years. It is so amazing and motivational to hear about someone who has the same struggles I do and how they have found to manage it over time.
She does confess that this is not a struggle that will ever go away but it will get easier over time if you know where to start and what steps to take. It only took me 33 years to finally figure out how I need to manage my home in order to be a successful homemaker.
I’m seeing my struggle in a new light. I’m not really dreading the point where I fall on my face again because I know that is going to happen. I’m excited because the steps I’m taking in the mean time will allow me to rebuild myself a whole lot better and QUICKER than the time before. Marla from FlyLady and Dana from A Slob Comes Clean have really helped me to see that I’m not alone and I’m not a failure. I too, can do this.
Thank you Marla and Dana!